CANDY MATSON TRIBUTE

Written and produced by

John F. Barber

CC BY-NC-ND 4.0
(https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/4.0/)
Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-NoDerivs 4.0 International
©2025 Re-Imagined Radio. All rights reserved (except those granted by the Creative Commons license)

Re-Imagined Radio
Season 09, Episode 11

Final draft

CANDY MATSON TRIBUTE

Best of the popular female detective programs

Re-Imagined Radio
Season 09, Episode 11
Final Draft

Premier broadcast: November 15, 2021

Written, Produced, Hosted by John F. Barber

Post production, original music, sound design by Marc Rose

Graphics by Holly Slocum

Social Media strategies by Regina Carroll Social Media & Photography

Synopsis
Re-Imagined Radio samples from the first and last series episodes for this tribute to Candy Matson, the best of the popular female detective programs

Color Code
Yellow highlighted text = sound effect(s), either pre-recorded or live.

Magenta highlighted text with strike through = text deleted for episode timing

MUSIC = pre-recorded

MUSIC = bespoke, created for this episode

COLD OPEN
MUSIC: RE-IMAGINED RADIO THEME, CROSSFADE TO
SFX: PICKUP TELEPHONE RECEIVER
MATSON
Hello, Candy Matson.
MAN'S VOICE ON TELEPHONE
I understand you've been hired to find out who knocked off Donna Dunham.
MATSON
Abrupt and right to the point. That's my business old man who talks like a ghost.
MAN'S VOICE
Take care of your health, Little Lady. Donna Dunham is dead. Let her stay like that.
MATSON
You take care of your Qs and I'll shell my Ps, understood?
MAN'S VOICE
Not quite. Listen to this . . .
SFX: GUNSHOT, BREAKING GLASS IN WINDOW
MATSON
Oh, goody goody. Bullets now delivered by phone. Thanks for the slug. I'll have it identified later.
MAN'S VOICE
Maybe you'll be identified later. Remember what I said Candy Matson. Forget about Donna Dunham.
MUSIC: FADE UP RE-IMAGINED RADIO THEME, THEN OUT
HOST INTRO
HOST
Hello and welcome to Re-Imagined Radio. I'm John Barber. Thank you so much for listening.
Re-Imagined Radio explores radio storytelling from a variety of perspectives. This episode pays tribute to the popular female detective series Candy Matson.
Crime and detective radio series were popular from the 1940s to the 1950s, perhaps due to rising concerns for emerging criminal activities at all levels. A number of detective radio series responded to this interest. Candy Matson was a compelling alternative to the popular male detective radio genre, and was the best of the female detective programs.
Candy Matson was an intelligent, no nonsense detective. She was driven, relentless, and disarming. Rather than a seedy office, she ran her business from a Telegraph Hill penthouse in San Francisco, California.
She worked with Rembrandt Watson, an eccentric photographer, and sparred with Lieutenant Ray Mallard, a San Francisco police detective, and her love interest. San Francisco actors, musicians, and colorful locales often played supporting roles.
HOST
Ninety-one episodes of Candy Matson were broadcast from 1949 to 1951, when the series was cancelled. For this Re-Imagined Radio "Candy Matson Tribute," we'll listen to the first and last episodes.
The first episode is known as "The Donna Dunham Case" and was first broadcast 30 June 1949. In this episode, Candy investigates a jealous lover murder and nearly falls victim herself.
Let's listen to Candy Matson in "The Donna Dunham Case."
MUSIC: ORGAN, DRAMATIC INTRODUCTION
MATSON
My name is Candy Matson. I like money, lots of it. That's why I became a private eye. And true, you meet such interesting people, mostly dead. But getting back to the cash angle, that's why I took on the Donna Dunham case: I knew it was full of dynamite. But, a girl has to eat now and then maintain a penthouse on Telegraph Hill and keep the moths out of a few mink coats, doesn't she? Sure. And a shot fired into your room from across the street at 3:00 in the morning is just one of those occupational hazards. So I took the job and the 500 [dollars] and went to work. Like to hear how the whole thing started? Well, leave us proceed to act one.
MUSIC: ORGAN, TRANSITION, FADE IN BAR WALLAH
ACT 1
SFX: INTERIOR, HOTEL BAR, MUSIC IN BACKGROUND, CONVERSATIONS
MATSON
(NARRATING) I had a hard day at the office . . . sleeping all day, and I needed a bit of a tonic to pick me up. So the natural thing to do is to ground loop into the Marigold Room and see what could be done.
As I sank down on one of the padded stools, the dispenser approached. (SPEAKING) Make it a martini, My good man, very dry so dry it comes out like a blotter.
BARTENDER
Look lady, nothing would give me more pleasure, but I can't serve you here unless you have an escort.
MATSON
What? Oh, I'm, I'm, I'm waiting for someone.
BARTENDER
That's what they say.
MATSON
But he'll be here very soon.
BARTENDER
I know. I know it never fails.
MATSON
Why you low minded frog, for two cents . . .
WARREN ROBERTS
(STEPPING ON MATSON'S LINE) I see I have arrived just in time. Save your two cents my dear.
MATSON
Hmmm?
ROBERTS
(TO BARTENDER) You heard what the lady said, a martini. Make it two.
BARTENDER
(SARCASTICALLY) Yeah, sure . . . I thought it was just another one of those . . . Yeah. Two martinis.
ROBERTS
Well, saved from a fate worse than death, Miss Madsen.
MATSON
Who are you?
ROBERTS
A natural question.
MATSON
And I'd like a natural answer.
ROBERTS
Roberts is my name. Warren Roberts. I own a few steamships hither and yon about the world.
MATSON
Oh yes, I know. I took a trip on one of your scows once. The food was a nightmare's nightmare.
ROBERTS
How do you think I came to be a millionaire?
MATSON
Uh-Huh. I see your point. How did you know my name and what do you want?
ROBERTS
I have a business proposition to make to you, Miss Matson.
MATSON
You're sure it's business, Mr. Roberts.
ROBERTS
Strictly business, Miss Matson.
MATSON
Call me Candy. You tell me the details and I'll tell you what it'll cost you.
ROBERTS
Fair enough.
MATSON
But don't think you can always make it back on your food.
ROBERTS
Well, I can hardly tell you here. Suppose we drop over to my place.
MATSON
But I want that martini.
ROBERTS
My man will make us a batch over there.
MATSON
The things I do to make a living. Okay, let's go.
BARTENDER
Hey, how about these drinks?
ROBERTS
Here you are my man, and save the martinis for some poor, wayward soul who hasn't the wherewithal to make the purchase.
MUSIC: ORGAN, TRANSITION
SFX: DOOR OPENING.
MONTGOMERY
Oh, good evening, Mr. Roberts. Ah, I didn't know you were expecting company so soon after . . .
ROBERTS
(STEPPING ON MONTGOMERY'S LINE) Take Miss Matson's things Montgomery and bring us a martini.
MONTGOMERY
They're all made, sir.
ROBERTS
Good. Let's go into the drawing room, shall we?
MATSON
Um, hummmm. Modest little mousetrap, isn't it? And I'll bet it's had a good path beaten to its door too.
ROBERTS
(SUBTLE LAUGH) Quite a sense of humor you have Candy.
MATSON
Well, I need help now and then.
ROBERTS
Here. Sit down here. That's it.
MATSON
I, uh, I can't quite see you, ah, it's like being behind a retaining wall. Oh well, I'll just listen. What's the topic of conversation.
ROBERTS
A young lady named Donna Dunham.
MATSON
Ah, ha, the female element. What . . . is your connection?
ROBERTS
Well . . . It's strictly that of a patron.
MATSON
Oh . . . ?
ROBERTS
Miss Dunham was a hat check girl over at the Scarlet Dawn. I heard her sing one night. I decided right then and there that I was going to sponsor her career.
MATSON
Was . . .?
ROBERTS
Yes. . . Donna Dunham was murdered early this morning.
MATSON
By you?
ROBERTS
What? Are you out of your head?
MATSON
Yes, when I think of the fee I'm going to get from you.
MONTGOMERY
I beg your pardon, sir. The martinis.
ROBERTS
What? Oh, oh yes. Put them down there, Montgomery.
MONTGOMERY
Very good, sir.
ROBERTS
Very good, Montgomery. I won't need anything else tonight.
MONTGOMERY
Thank you, sir. Good night, miss.
MATSON
Good night. (Imploring, perhaps for her personal safety) Ah, don't sleep too tight.
ROBERTS
May I?
MATSON
You certainly may. I have been waiting far too long for one of these.
ROBERTS
There you are.
MATSON
Mm . . . hmm. Thanks. Well, as a sponsor you didn't pick a protege with great lasting qualities, did you?
ROBERTS
No, I didn't. (INTROSPECTIVE, AS IF TALKING TO HIMSELF) She was so young. So very lovely. (TO MATSON) Will you take the case Miss Matson?
MATSON
What do I have to go on?
ROBERTS
Well . . . very little. My suspicions point to a musician who worked at the Scarlet Dawn. He seemed to resent very strongly my stepping into the picture.
MATSON
Were they going together?
ROBERTS
Off and on . . . until I started to back Donna's career.
MATSON
A very interesting triangle. What did the police have to say?
ROBERTS
The police, Miss Matson, have not yet been notified.
MATSON
What?
ROBERTS
I went over there this morning I discovered the body lying on the floor. I became confused. I locked the door and called The Scarlet Dawn. I told the manager that Miss Dunham was quite ill and wouldn't be able to appear tonight.
MATSON
Extremely ill, I'd say. Well . . . this is fine. You realize you are in trouble, don't you?
ROBERTS
Yes, I do.
MATSON
And that if I take this case, I'm sticking my neck out too?
ROBERTS
Exactly.
MATSON
My fee is five hundred.
ROBERTS
That's a fair price.
MATSON
(WITH EMPHASIS) In advance . . .
ROBERTS
Well, I'll make out a check immediately. (PAUSE) Oh! Won't you have another martini?
MATSON
I . . . ah . . . I don't think so.
ROBERTS
(VERY SUAVE) You know . . . you ARE very beautiful.
MATSON
(SIGHS) Thank you, but I already have a sponsor.
ROBERTS
And your lips are very kissable.
MATSON
The best you can buy from Max Factor.
ROBERTS
Are you sure you don't want another martini?
MATSON
Look, Roberts, let's get this straight. You're in the middle of a jackpot. Make that check out right now so I can join you. Then it's up to me to spring the both of us. In the meantime, heh . . . get that glint out of your eye, the one that's wired for wolf calls. Understood?
ROBERTS
(SIGHS) Very well.
MATSON
I'll get started right away. Where does the late Miss Dunham live?
ROBERTS
Just on the edge of Chinatown. 27 B Gresham Alley. It's the only three flat house on the block.
MATSON
I'll find it. And you . . . You just stick right here and don't poke your face out of the door. (SEDUCTIVELY) Now . . . the check . . . if you will.
MUSIC: ORGAN, TRANSITION
SFX: FOOTSTEPS, FOLLOWED BY OTHERS. WHEN THE FIRST STOPS, SO DOES THE SECOND.
MATSON
Now listen you. If you think you're going to get . . . Well . . . send me back to the last line in the chorus if it isn't Old Hawkshaw himself.
RAY MALLARD
Yeah . . . that's right. Hire a cabbie?
MATSON
Now how you ever got to be a police detective I'll never know. I heard you trailing me for the last two blocks.
MALLARD
Maybe I wanted you to hear me. What are you doing over in Chinatown, Candy?
MATSON
I like tomato chow yut.
MALLARD
(DISBELIEVING) Ah, huh! Something up?
MATSON
Not with you around, there isn't.
MALLARD
Look, Candy. Just a little word of caution . . . we're laying for you.
MATSON
Oh?
MALLARD
The Chief isn't very happy about you bustin' up that Newton case last month.
MATSON
Somebody had to. The score was still tied in the 27th inning.
MALLARD
Stop gagin' Candy. What you doing around here? You don't like tomato chow yut that much.
MATSON
Well maybe that Oriental music sends me. By the way, where's the Scarlet Dawn Mallard?
MALLARD
Huh? Well, right down there on the corner.
MATSON
Come on, I'll buy ya a double mickey.
MALLARD
Eh? Ah, no thanks. I just had one. Listen Candy, take a tip . . . don't interfere with the work of the police.
MATSON
Don't worry about me, Mallard. And you take a tip too. Next time you trail somebody, get yourself a pair of tennis shoes.
MUSIC: ORGAN, TRANSITION
ORIENTAL WAITER
Yes, miss. You like a table?
MATSON
No thanks. Ah . . . No.
WAITER
Something I can do?
MATSON
Hmmm? Oh, oh yes, I'm . . . I'm a friend of Donna Dunham. She wanted me to come over and tell you that she's feeling better. She'll be back at work tomorrow night.
WAITER
Well, that's good. Business at the Hat Check Stand no good without her.
MATSON
Yeah. Yes, she's a great girl. By the way, I, I don't see her boyfriend tonight.
WAITER
Boyfriend?
MATSON
You know, the fellow who plays in the band.
WAITER
Oh. . . . Danny Andrene. No . . . he got night off.
MATSON
Oh . . . too bad. She wanted me to tell him too.
WAITER
Yup. Too bad. Oh . . . maybe you find him at the Lotus Hotel. He live there.
MATSON
Oh, sure! The Lotus. Yes, I'll check there and thank you very much.
MUSIC: ORGAN, TRANSITION
SFX: TELEPHONE RINGING
REMBRANDT WATSON
Rembrandt Watson speaking . . .
MATSON
(INTERRUPTING WATSON) Yes, I know. Now look . . .
WATSON
(CONTINUING HIS THOUGHT) . . . photographs taken at reasonable prices
MATSON
(CONTINUING HER THOUGHT) . . .  I know Rembrandt . . .
WATSON
(CONTINUING HIS THOUGHT) . . . family groups and portraits especially, also . . .
MATSON
(MORE INSISTENT)  . . . Rembrandt . . . this is I, Candy Matson . . .
WATSON
(CONTINUING)  . . . fine colored pictures . . . (AWARENESS) What? Candy Matson?
MATSON
That's right.
WATSON
By all the furies of Zeus. Why did you have to call just now? I was wooing the muse that only Bacchus can create, probing the infinitesimal heights a soul can reach from the tear of the grape and you have to call and spoil it all.
MATSON
Look, Rembrandt, uncross your eyes and listen to me.
WATSON
I shall listen my lily but undoubtedly, I won't like it. What skullduggery, are you up to now?
MATSON
I'm knee deep in something that smells as high as the open mudflat.
WATSON
A towering comparison. What is it?
MATSON
I can't tell you now, but I want you to do me a favor. Get your finest camera and go over to 27 B Gresham Alley. Get inside and take all the pictures you can at the place.
WATSON
Won't I be intruding?
MATSON
No. There's a very attractive young lady there.
WATSON
Ahhhh . . . delightful
MATSON
(CUTTING HIM OFF) She's dead.
WATSON
How dull! I dislike intensely one sided conversation? (RESIGNEDLY) All right. What do I do then?
MATSON
Go back to your place and get me some prints fast as you can.
WATSON
I go, but not willingly Only for you would I forsake the mood I have achieved the prodigious application.
MATSON
Bully for you laddie buck. I'll see you at your place in about an hour.
MUSIC: ORGAN, TRANSITION
MATSON
Pardon me. Are you the night clerk?
CLERK
I ain't Sittin' Bull and yes, we have no rooms.
MATSON
(SEDUCTIVELY) I'm not here for a room . . .
CLERK
(NOW INTERESTED) Oh . . .well, maybe there's something I can do for you?
MATSON
Ahhh . . . yes, could you tell me if Mr. Danny Andrene is in?
CLERK
No he isn't. Matter of fact, I haven't seen him all day.
MATSON
Ahhh . . . yes, I, I know. There's a reason. We had to take him to the hospital this morning.
CLERK
What?
MATSON
Yes. He's under observation for appendicitis.
CLERK
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
MATSON
So . . . I was wondering if you'd let me have his key. He wants me to bring him his portable radio.
CLERK
Eh, heh . . . Does he have one?
MATSON
Why sir, ever heard of a musician who didn't own a portable radio?
CLERK
(CHUCKLES) I know  . . . come to think of it. Yeah, yeah. Here's the key. It's room 418.
MATSON
You're very kind.
CLERK
Not at all. (Chuckles, then emphasizing each word) Not. At. All.
MUSIC: ORGAN, TRANSITION
SFX: DOOR OPENING, FOOTSTEPS INTO HOTEL ROOM.
MATSON
All right Candy Matson, start making like a private eye. Letters. Letters. Yes! Over here.
SFX: DRAWER OPENING
MATSON
Promising! A whole pile of 'em. Well . . . Let's try this one. (WHISTLES, THEN READING FROM LETTER) "Dear Danny . . . I don't know how to start this, but your accusations last night need some sort of answering. I'm not in love with Warren Roberts and never will be. He has proven to be a very kind and gracious friend. You must realize that I have placed my singing career above everything else and I want . . .
SFX: RAPID KNOCKING AT DOOR. AGAIN.
MATSON
Well . . . leave us confront the issue Candy . . .
SFX: DOOR OPENING
MATSON
(SIGHING) Ahhh . . . Oh, hello, you.
CLERK
(TRYING TO ACT SAUVE) Hello. I was wondering if I could be of any assistance.
MATSON
No . . . it seems that Mr. Andrene was was either seeing . . . I mean it doesn't seem to have a portable radio. I'll be on my way now.
CLERK
Oh.
MATSON
I'll . . . ah . . . I'll just be on my way.
CLERK
Ah, now. What's the rush? You don't have to leave right away. (Insinuating) Wouldn't you like a drink . . . or something?
MATSON
Ah . . . No, not right now. I am pressed for time . . .
CLERK
(DISAPPOINTED) Ahhhhh . . .
MATSON
(WHISPERING, CONSPIRATORIAL) Tell you what though . . .
CLERK
Eh . . .?
MATSON
(STILL WHISPERING) I'll be back later. How's that?
CLERK
(WHISPERING) Sure. Fine. When?
MATSON
(SPEAKING ALOUD) Let's make it next wishing time. Goodbye.
MUSIC: ORGAN, TRANSITION
SFX: RAPID AND URGENT KNOCKING ON A DOOR
REMBRANDT WATSON
On my soul, I'd like to have that popcorn concession here tonight. Come in . . . come in . . .
SFX: DOOR OPENING
MATSON
Rembrandt, you're a double crosser
WATSON
I double crosser my dear?
MATSON
Yes.
WATSON
You are mistaken.
MATSON
Oh.
WATSON
The only time I double crossed was out in the country. I passed over a bridge, then I had to double cross back.
MATSON
Oh no.
WATSON
I found I left my knapsack with some rare vintage in it on the other side.
MATSON
What are you doing here? You haven't had time to get the pictures I wanted.
WATSON
That's just the point. To elucidate I arrived at 27 B Gresham Alley and found it to be a most loathsome location.
MATSON
That's beside the point. What happened?
WATSON
I couldn't get in.
MATSON
Oh, Rembrandt . . . I . . . I've done you a grave injustice. Of course you couldn't get in. Warren Roberts has the key.
WATSON
Who's this minion Roberts?
MATSON
I'll tell you later. We've gotta work fast. Mallard says something in the wrong key and the police will be in on the deal before long.
WATSON
Mallard the gumshoe?
MATSON
That's right. I've just got to get pictures of the layout so I can study them.
WATSON
In my own fumbling fashion Candy my love I've given birth to an idea.
MATSON
Even from you, Rembrandt, I'll take it. I'm grabbing at straws.
WATSON
Straws. Very effective with a tall cool Collins.
MATSON
Never mind now. What's your idea?
WATSON
Let us high ourselves to a locksmith, present ourselves as man and wife, and the peasant will make us a key. Viola! Entre to the meteries apartment.
MATSON
No, Rembrandt. That'll never work. Oh, wait a minute. Three flats to the house. I used to live in just that kind of a house that out on Fulton Street when I was a kid.
WATSON
A nauseating thought.
MATSON
Rembrandt, those flats are identical. If we can get into the flat above, we can get what we want.
WATSON
I think I fathom your reasoning, Candy. In other words, the living room is just the same.
MATSON
That's right.
WATSON
The dining room likewise and the same goes for the bedroom, the kitchen, and even the . . .
MATSON
That's right. Even in there.
WATSON
Well, what are we waiting for. Let's go slumming in Gresham Alley.
MUSIC: TRANSITION, ORGAN
MATSON
Go ahead Rembrandt. Ring the bell.
WATSON
Always I must do the labor.
MATSON
Oh, pooh. . .
WATSON
Well, I hope we don't disturb the dead in the middle flat.
MATSON
You won't. From what I hear, he was done in sort of permanently.
WATSON
Hhmmm . . . It appears there is no one home. Come on Candy, let's return and see what Bacchus has to offer.
MATSON
Wait! I thought I heard something.
SFX: DOOR BUZZER.
MATSON
There! You see? Got all your flashbulbs?
WATSON
As they say in the old country: "Have I lost my marbles?" Open the door.
SFX: DOOR OPENS WITH A CLICK FROM THE AUTOMATED LOCKING MECHANISM.
WATSON
Beauty before age my dear.
MATSON
Thank you, Rembrandt.
SFX: FOOTSTEPS CLIMBING STAIRS
MATSON
Hmmm . . . It's kinda dark in here.
WATSON
Peculiar aroma. Definitely smacks of the Far East.
SFX: DOOR OPENS ABOVE, HIGHER UP THE STAIRCASE.
MATSON
Yes . . s . .s . . .
DANNY ANDRENE
(FROM LANDING OF FLAT ABOVE) Something you folks wanted?
WATSON
Talk up, Candy. That's your cue.
MATSON
Why . . . ah . . . yes . . . Yes. May we come up?
ANDRENE
What'a you want?
MATSON
Well . . . we're with a magazine . . . The House Lovely. We wanna take a few photographs of your place.
ANDRENE
(DISBELIEVING) At this hour?
WATSON
The working press is never shackled by the hands on the clock, sir.
ANDRENE
Sounds phony to me but come on up.
SFX: FOOTSTEPS ENTERING ROOM.
ANDRENE
(NOW IN SAME SPACE AS MATSON AND WATSON) What do you want to take pictures of this beat up joint for?
MATSON
Well . . . you see . . . it's comparison . . . the old and the new. We've already taken pictures of a flat similar to this only it's been remodeled. This . . . well . . . this is perfect for the content.
ANDRENE
Ummm . . . well, I . . . ah . . . guess it's alright. Go ahead.
MATSON
Ah . . . start with the hall Rembrandt.
WATSON
Roger my pretty. Let's see . . . this should be just about right.
SFX: CLICK OF CAMERA SHUTTER
MATSON
Um hmm. Now the bedroom. That should be off the hall here. Ah, yes! Shoot from the door Rembrandt.
SFX: CLICK OF CAMERA SHUTTER
MATSON
Did you get the entire room?
WATSON
Not quite, but most of it.
MATSON
That'll do.
WATSON
Just a moment.
SFX: CLICK OF CAMERA SHUTTER
WATSON
Ah . . . there we are.
ANDRENE
You cats work fast.
MATSON
Ahhh . . . What was that?
ANDRENE
I said you work fast.
MATSON
Yes . . . Now, in the bathroom . . . do you have a tab or a shower?
ANDRENE
(SINISTER) Why . . . Why don't you see for yourself?
MATSON
No. On second thought, I think that's about all we need.
WATSON
But Candy . . . you said that we need . . .
MATSON
(CUTTING HIM OFF) Come along Rembrandt . . . and, umm . . . Thank you very much.
ANDRENE
That's okay. And don't slam the door. The lady downstairs is sound asleep.
MUSIC: TRANSITION, ORGAN
SFX:  FOOTSTEPS OF MATSON AND WATSON
MATSON
Rembrandt . . . I think I've got this thing licked.
WATSON
Are you referring to this case or my desire to return to the arms of Bacchus?
MATSON
That I could never lick. I'm talking about the case. But . . . I need help Rembrandt.
WATSON
I am here.
MATSON
No, that's not enough. I need the big, strong arm of the law.
WATSON
Oh . . . No . . . Candy you traitor . . .
MATSON
(CUTTING HIM OFF) I hate to admit it but . . . I need somebody like Mallard.
MALLARD
Am I being paged?
MATSON
Huh . . . Oh, no . . . it's the wicked genie.
WATSON
Yikes! It's the gumshoe.
MALLARD
Yep! In person.
MATSON
Mallard . . . how did you get here?
MALLARD
I took you advice and bought some tennis shoes.
MATSON
(SHORT CHUCKLE)
MALLARD
All right . . . spill. What goes on? Been following you around until I'm punchy. Start talking Candy.
MATSON
Okay . . . so you heard me. I DO need your help, Mallard . . . badly. It was a young girl murdered yesterday at 27 B Gresham Alley.
MALLARD
That the place you just came from?
MATSON
That's right.
MALLARD
Why don't we ever hear of these things?
MATSON
Oh . . . I get exclusive rights. Anyway . . . I think I have the whole deal figured out. You can have full credit Mallard but . . . you've got to take my advice.
MALLARD
Ehh . . h . . h . . . It hurts but go ahead.
MATSON
Now go back to 27 C Gresham Alley. That's the top flat.
MALLARD
Um . . hum . . .
MATSON
You'll find a character there named Danny Andrene.
MALLARD
Ah . . h . . h
MATSON
Take him. Then get out to 5711 Pacific as fast as you can.
MALLARD
Well . . . all right, I'll do it. But Candy so help me if this is a foul up . . . on you the new look with stripes is gonna be very fashionable.
WATSON
She knows what's she's doing Mallard. When you get back to Gresham Alley just tell Mr. Andrene that you are from House Lovely . . .
MATSON
(SHORT LAUGH)
WATSON
He'll adore you.
MUSIC: TRANSITION, ORGAN
MATSON
This is it, Rembrandt. I just hope my man Montgomery hasn't retired yet.
SFX: DOOR BUZZER
WATSON
What are we doing out here on Pacific, Candy? This is out of our league.
MATSON
All of a sudden I've become socially conscious. Come on Montgomery . . . answer the door.
SFX: DOOR OPENING
MATSON
Ahhh . . . right on cue.
MONTGOMERY
(OBSEQUIOUS) I beg your pardon. Did you ring?
MATSON
No, Montgomery . . . We . . . we crossed the moat and used a battering ram.
MONTGOMERY
I'm sorry young lady . . . Mr. Roberts doesn't wish to be disturbed.
MATSON
Look Montgomery . . . remember me? I was here earlier this evening. Mr. Roberts and I had a martini together.
WATSON
Martinis? Well . . . it was worth the safari out here after all.
MATSON
Ah . . . Ha.
MONTGOMERY
(SUDDENLY MORE FRIENDLY) Oh, I am sorry miss. I didn't recognize you at first. Yes, do come in won't you?
MATSON
And the light dawns . . .
MONTGOMERY
If you'll just wait in the drawing room miss. I'll inform Mr. Roberts of your presence.
MATSON
I used to know a chap like that in the British Army. By continual groveling and studied objectiveness, he worked his way up to the rank of a private.
WATSON
(SHORT LAUGH)
MATSON
Thanks, Rembrandt. That's the first laugh I've had tonight.
WATSON
What's the pitch, Candy? I don't get it.
MATSON
You will in a minute . . . Ah shhh? I hear the patter of little feet.
ROBERTS
Miss Matson! What's the idea. I thought you were going to check with me by phone.
MATSON
Mr. Roberts, this thing is bigger than either of us. I just couldn't wait.
WATSON
(CLEARS THROAT) Ah . . . Is there a martini in the house?
ROBERTS
I'll have Montgomery serve in just a moment.
MATSON
I don't think there'll be time, Mr. Roberts. Well . . . where is she?
ROBERTS
Upstairs.
MATSON
You really loved her didn't you?
ROBERTS
Madly.
MATSON
That just about describes it . . . madly. While you were  . . . umm . . . shall we say "sponsoring her career" . . . you thought she was playing around with Danny Andrene as well . . .
ROBERTS
(INTERRUPTING) Yes! She was . . .
MATSON
(INTERRUPTING) You're wrong, Roberts. I have a letter from Donna Dunham to Danny Andrene. In effect she told him to blow, skedaddle, vamoose.
ROBERTS
What?
MATSON
That's right. So it seems we have a slight case of mistaken murder on our hands doesn't it.
ROBERTS
Yes. On one hand. On the other I have two in mind that will be deliberate. You asked for it Miss Matson. Too bad you had to bring your friend along.
MATSON
I wouldn't if I were you Roberts.
WATSON
That blackguard has a pistol. I thought you said he served martinis.
ROBERTS
This isn't exactly a social moment. I know how you private eyes work. You're lone wolves. You confide in no one. So with the pull of a finger I erase all evidence, just like this.
SFX: TWO GUNSHOTS
ROBERTS
(GROANS AS HE IS SHOT)
(PAUSE)
MATSON
He's dead. I'm really grateful to you but where on Earth did you come from?
MALLARD
Like I say, Candy, you just can't beat these tennis shoes.
WATSON
Well . . . that clears everything up except for one thing . . . where do we go now for the martinis?
MUSIC: TRANSITION, ORGAN
MATSON
(NRRTING) And that's how it happened. My phone rings and I'm into the darnedest mess you ever heard of. Sure, Roberts killed her. He was jealous. And I knew I was on the right track when Rembrandt said the apartment above Donna Dunham smelled like the Far East. It was tobacco odor. The same Turkish aroma I had smelled in Robert's home out on Pacific Street. Danny Andrene? Well, he was waiting for Roberts to return. He was going to kill him. He knew that Roberts had rented the flat above Dunham for . . . ahhh . . . sponsoring purposes. Donna was a nice kid. She was just caught in the middle . . . flat.
MUSIC: ORGAN TO END, CROSSFADE TO RE-IMAGINED RADIO THEME, UP BRIEFLY, THEN OUT
HOST
This is Re-Imagined Radio with a tribute to Candy Matson, the very popular female detective program. You just listened to "The Donna Dunham Case." I'm John Barber. We'll listen to the final episode of Candy Matson in just a moment.
SPONSOR BREAK #1: THREE SPONSOR MESSAGE HERE
HOST
This is Re-Imagined Radio, paying tribute to Candy Matson as the best of female detective programs. You just listened to the first episode of the series, "The Donna Dunham Case."
Candy Mattson was developed by husband and wife, Monty and Natalie Masters. Monty wrote, produced and directed each episode. Natalie voiced the leading role as Candy Matson.
The writing and acting, along with its local focus quickly made Candy Matson a favorite of listeners.
Despite its popularity, Candy Matson was canceled after ninety-one episodes in May 1951.
The final episode of Candy Matson features a double murder and a missing diamond. Both lead indirectly to Mallard proposing marriage to Candy. Let's listen to "Candy's Last Case," also known as "The Cape Hatteras Diamond."
MUSIC
(Single, sustained note on piano. Crossfade to . . .)
SFX
(Telephone ringing. Receiver is picked up)
MATSON
Hello. Yukon 2-8-2-Oh-9
(PAUSE)
MATSON
Yes . . . this is Candy Matson.
MUSIC: ORGAN SWELLS FOR INTRODUCTION, THEN CONCLUDES. CROSSFADE TO . . .
ACT 2
SFX: CAR SPEEDING DOWN ROADWAY. DUCK UNDER THE FOLLOWING . . .
REMBRANDT
I do declare Candy, this is a madder dash than the one made by Paul Revere. (EXCLAIMS) Look out for that man!
MATSON
I see him, Rembrandt.
REMBRANDT
I know it. You know it. But does he? What's the reason for this wild scramble girl?
MATSON
I started to explain that ducky . . . look at that car up ahead about a block.
REMBRANDT
Yes . . . it's a police car.
MATSON
That's right. And you know who's driving? Lieutenant Ray Millard that's who . . . oh, whom.
REMBRANDT
So Mallard is driving. There's no reason to get yourself in such a snit girl. I imagine the lad has driven before.
MATSON
I'm not worried about the mechanical aspects of placing a car in motion and guiding it to a predetermined terminal. It's the reason behind it that bothers me.
REMBRANDT
That reason being what?
MATSON
I don't know what the reason is, and that's the rub. For days now, he's been avoiding me like the plague. I call him on the phone. All I get are muffled sentences. Nothing makes sense. Last night, I waited in front of the Hall of Justice and followed him when he left.
REMBRANDT
And where did you lead you dear? To a pool room or some such thing?
MATSON
No . . . pool room I wouldn't have minded. I shoot a pretty good stick of snooker, you know.
REMBRANDT
You know that's beside the point, Candy. Come now, concentrate. Where did Mallard lead you?
MATSON
To a small hotel on Ellen Street. He met a man in the lobby who was wearing dark glasses. They huddled in a corner and talked for a while. Then Millard left. I didn't duck that fast enough and Mallard saw me. Oh brother what a balling out I got.
REMBRANDT
How strange.
MATSON
With that he got in his car and drove away, like frantic.
REMBRANDT
That certainly doesn't sound like Mallard.
MATSON
I called to apologize this morning and he wouldn't even talk to me. And now this! He never drives a squad car unless it's absolutely necessary.
REMBRANDT
Now you've got me curious. Something must be up.
MATSON
You're darn tootin'. And I want in on it.
REMBRANDT
Yes . . . Who does Mallard think he is, keeping things from US like this?
MATSON
Oh, he's stopping. I better hold it up right here.
SFX: CAR COMES TO A STOP
REMBRANDT
He's getting out Candy.
MATSON
So I see . . . Look . . . he's . . . he's waving up at the middle flat. Do you seen anyone in the window up there ducky?
REMBRANDT
Yes . . . a man. I can't quite make out his features, though.
MATSON
Yes . . . yes, he's waving back.
REMBRANDT
Well . . . what's Mallard doing now?
MATSON
Going up the stairs, and in. How do you like that?
REMBRANDT
Rather delicious, isn't it? Oh, I squirm with intrigue!
MATSON
Well . . . I SQUIRM too. Come on, Rembrandt, squirm out of the car. This is one time I don't mind doing a shadow job strictly for free.
MUSIC: CONCLUDES ACT WITH SWELL
ANNOUNCER
From San Francisco, the national broadcasting company presents another yarn in the adventures of that attractive private eye Candy Madison YUkon 2-8-2-oh-9
ACT 3
MUSIC: FADE UP, THEN DUCK UNDER
MATSON
(NARRATING) I knew there was something wrong, three days before. Whenever I walk into Mallard's office in the Hall of Justice, where he lieutenants for the San Francisco homicide and all I get out of the big guy is an UG, something's foul in Dixie.
MUSIC: STING
MATSON
(RESPONDING TO THE MUSIC) You can play that in any key you like.
(NARRATING) And the UGs kept up, mentally and verbally. Add that situation with Mallard's mysterious friend in the dark glasses and you've got something, especially when Lieutenant Boy stops off at an old flat waves to a gent, the gent waves back, and Mallard goes inside.
(Pause)
Ah . . . now we're all tidy and up to date.
MUSIC: BRIEF TRANSITION
MATSON
(Narrating) We waited for about 20 minutes outside by my car. Two or three other people came and went. Finally, Mallard came out carrying a very small box in his hand. He put it inside his coat pocket. The bulge wouldn't show any more than usual. That's where he keeps his police gun. Then he got in his car and drove off. Rembrandt and I immediately went to work. Object: a social call and our unknown friend in the second floor window.
MUSIC: ANOTHER TRANSITION
SFX: INTERIOR. FOOTSTEPS ASCENDING STAIRCASE.
REMBRANDT
I must say Candy. This is most mystifying.
MATSON
That it is ducky. In all the years I've known Mallard, I have never seen him act like this before.
REMBRANDT
What are we up to now, doll?
MATSON
We're going to take a look at the guy Mallard went to see. Find out what he looks like . . . what sort of racket he's in.
REMBRANDT
Supposing Mallard hears about it. Won't we be even further into the doghouse?
MATSON
Indubitably faithful old friend. But that's the chance I'll have to take.
(PAUSE)
SFX: EXTERIOR. FOOTSTEPS STOP
MATSON
Hhmm . . . here we are. Middle flat. This must be one of those babies built before the fire and 'quake.
REMBRANDT
Yes . . . All nineteen oh six conveniences, including a door knocker.
MATSON
Oh, give it blast ducky.
REMBRANDT
As you say . . .
SFX: EXTERIOR. DOOR KNOCKER, SIX TIMES
REMBRANDT
This sort of place gives me a galloping case of depression.
MATSON
Yeah . . . I know what you mean. All the ghosts of the past half century. Try it again.
REMBRANDT
Any harder and the building will slide off its foundation.
SFX: EXTERIOR. DOOR KNOCKER, FOUR MORE TIMES. HARDER.
MATSON
What is it? You could have heard that last knock up in the Farallon [an upscale Union Square restaurant noted for its seafood].
REMBRANDT
Maybe he didn't hear you.
MATSON
Anyone in the neighborhood would have heard that knock. I'm going to try the door.
SFX
(Door knob manipulated. Door opens.)
MATSON
AH! Voila . . . but it only moves about two inches.
REMBRANDT
Shove on it dear!
MATSON
My thoughts exactly. (STRUGGLES WITH DOOR) It gives a little. Help me Rembrandt.
REMBRANDT
Very well.
SFX: INTERIOR. BOTH MATSON AND REMBRANDT STRUGGLE WITH THE EFFORT TO MOVE THE DOOR.
MATSON
Hey look . . . under the door . . . that's blood.
REMBRANDT
I wouldn't call it ketchup.
MATSON
Come on. Once again, and harder.
SFX: INTERIOR DOOR IS FORCED OPEN
REMBRANDT
(SHOCKED WITH WHAT HE SEES) Oh my word!
MATSON
That's the polite term. This guy's as dead as they come . . . look . . .
REMBRANDT
What?
MATSON
This is the Joe Mallard was talking to in the hotel lobby . . . even in the dark glasses.
REMBRANDT
I wonder what Mallard will say about this.
MATSON
I was wondering the same thing. Come on, Rembrandt. I don't think I feel very well.
MUSIC: TRANSITION TO NEXT SCENE
MATSON
(NARRATING) That was an understatement. I felt worse than that, but I had to follow through now. Our next step took us down to the Hall of Justice for a little visit with Mallard. He was in . . . just beat his back by about ten minutes and he was still wearing the same scowl he had on the last time I'd spoken to him.
MUSIC: STINGER
MATSON
You still mad at me, Mallard.
MALLARD
No. I'm mad at myself.
REMBRANDT
Did you stub your toe somewhere along the line, minion? Is that it?
MALLARD
No, but I am about to.
MATSON
What do you mean by that foot flat.
MALLARD
You'll find out. And it's all your fault too.
MATSON
You mean about last night, my following you?
MALLARD
No . . . that was a dirty trick, but I forgive you. It isn't that.
MATSON
Then what is it?
REMBRANDT
For goodness sake . . . stop sounding like a Froppny Frill book.
MALLARD
I'll say what I have to say my own good time, and nobody can force me to do otherwise.
MATSON
I've got news for you, Junior. The police can make you talk.
MALLARD
The Police? What kind of triple talk is this?
MATSON
We followed you out to that flat just now. We saw everything.
MALLARD
Whaaa . . . all the underhanded . . . (WITH RESIGNATION) So. You know.
MATSON
Yes. But why did you do it, Mallard?
MALLARD
Because I'm a fool. Just a plain fool. And I ought to have my head examined.
REMBRANDT
And also the poor fellow you left out there. He needs HIS head examined too.
MATSON
Sure does. Got a hole in it about the size of 45 slug would make.
MALLARD
Wait a minute! What are you talking about?
MATSON
Don't you know?
MALLARD
I thought I did. Now I don't think so. Now come on quick . . . what's this hole in the head routine?
REMBRANDT
He's serious, Candy.
MATSON
I really think he is.
MALLARD
Darn right I'm serious. Come on . . . spill.
MATSON
OK OK I'll tell it to you like you don't know. We followed you out there. You wave up to the second story. Man looks out the window and waves back.
MALLARD
Check.
MATSON
You go inside. We wait 20 minutes, fritter away. You come out with a small object in your hands. You put said object in the inside coat pocket.
MALLARD
Good report. Most efficient.
MATSON
You drive off. We go up to pay a visit. The host wasn't willing. He'd been shot to death.
MALLARD
What? Oh brother. And you thought I'd done it?
MATSON
Well . . . .?
MALLARD
(BEGINS LAUGHING)
MATSON
Well, really Mallard . . . I don't see anything to laugh about.
MALLARD
That's because you're not sitting where I am. Oh ho Sister Susie did you get your clues all fouled up! Let's get out of here. We got work to do.
MUSIC: SCENE TRANSITION
MATSON
(NARRATING) My mental reflexes climbed on a merry-go-round and whirled gaily for several moments. I was REALLY confused. I didn't have time to do much about it because Mallard whisked us back to the flat. An hour later, the joint had been carefully gone over, photographed and the body of the poor guy removed to the coroner's office for an autopsy report. It didn't take long to find out that I was right. It HAD been a 45 that did the dirty work. Rembrandt had to leave, so I went back with Mallard to his office.
MUSIC: SCENE TRANSITION
MATSON
Still think I had something to do with this thing, cupcake?
MATSON
Oh, in my heart of hearts, no. Of course not. But jeepers look at the facts now you come out, we go up, the guy's stiff as a starched shirt. What would you think?
MALLARD
Same thing you thought.
MATSON
Time element is what gets me. Not more than three minutes had elapsed between the time you left in the time we got up there.
MALLARD
I know. I can account for that, I think, but I'm not going to. As a matter of fact, there are several things I could account for, but I'm not going to.
MATSON
Now, who's doing the triple talk?
MALLARD
I am . . . deliberately, I'm going to tell you something, Candy. Listen carefully. You're a cute little old snoop. You snooped your way into the middle of this thing, and I'm going to toss it right into your lap and let your snoop your way out. And when you come up with the right answers, you're going to get the shock of your life.
MATSON
I am?
MALLARD
I think so. At least it was quite a shock to me.
MATSON
You mean you've got the solution to this deal already?
MALLARD
Part of it.
MATSON
You're a much smarter foot flat than I thought you were.
MALLARD
I don't know who killed the guy, if that's what you mean.
MATSON
I take it back then. And now you . . . you REALLY got me all topsy turvy.
MALLARD
(LAUGHING) No . . . this is working out even better than I thought it would. Okay tootsie, you've got the ball. It's all yours. Take it from here.
MATSON
You mean you actually want ME to HELP you on this deal?
MALLARD
Sure. Who knows? You might come up with something. No beat it will ya? I've gotta find me a killer.
MUSIC: SCENE TRANSITION, CONTINUES UNDER THE FOLLOWING . . .
MATSON
(NARRATING) I was so puzzled by then that I wanted to rap the guy over his head. I fought off the impulse and left. If he gave me carte blanche on the killing, I was going to take advantage of it, if for no other reason than to prove I was right, and Millard wasn't the joker who did it. There's only one place to start: back at the flat where the guy had been done in. The cops had gone. So I did some question work.The landlady lived in the flat below. No, she didn't know the man. A gal named Jennifer Shirley, had leased the middle flat for the past five years. I ah . . . swung a deal with the landlady, got the key to same, Ahh, not the landlady, the flat and moved in. I had a good night's sleep and waited all the next day. Nothing. The odd thing about the deal was the fact that the cops hadn't been back. They usually returned for a double check. So the next night I hit the sack again. About midnight, my dreams of a vine covered cottage in the country with Mallard were rudely shattered by a sound, the sound of a key in the lock of the door.
SFX: INTERIOR. KEY IN LOCK, DOOR OPENING, FOOTSTEPS INTO APARTMENT, LUGGAGE PLACED ON FLOOR, LIGHT SWITCH IS FLIPPED ON
SHIRLEY
(GASPS AT SIGHT OF MATSON IN APARTMENT)
MATSON
Right . . . ah . . . Jennifer. Take it easy. Everything will be okay.
SHIRLEY
(SURPRISED) Who . . . who . . . are you?
MATSON
(YAWNING, COMING AWAKE) I'm coming to that. Excuse me. And you ARE Jennifer Shirley, aren't you?
SHIRLEY
That's right.
MATSON
Excuse my nightie. If I'd a knowed you was comin' I would have gone formal.
SHIRLEY
Just what is all this? What are you doing in my flat?
MATSON
Where have you been, Jennifer?
SHIRLEY
Seattle. Why?
MATSON
Didn't you read the papers up that way?
SHIRLEY
I was too busy.
MATSON
Know a man named Everett Stone?
SHIRLEY
Of course I do. He's a very good friend of mine who was out from Los Angeles on business, and I let him use my flat. And now you're here. I don't understand this at all.
MATSON
Look over there at your front door. Everett Stone was shot to death right on that spot.
SHIRLEY
Everett? Dead? I can't believe it!
MATSON
I'm sorry . . . It's true. You can prove you were in Seattle, Jennifer?
SHIRLEY
Yes. Here . . .
SFX: TICKETS AND RECEIPTS SLAPPED DOWN ON COUNTER OR TABLE TOP
SHIRLEY
. . . my plane ticket receipt and the stubs on my luggage. I just got in at the airport less than an hour ago.
MATSON
Just for the record, where did you stay in Seattle?
SHIRLEY
At the Olympic Hotel.
MATSON
We can prove that too, can we?
SHIRLEY
Of course. Now wait just a moment. The shock of all this slowed me down for a second or two. Just who are you and what are you doing here?
MATSON
Simmer down, Jennifer. My name's Matson, Candy Matson. I'm a private investigator.
SHIRLEY
Oh yes, I've heard of you.
MATSON
I'm trying to find out who knocked off your friend Stone.You got any ideas?
SHIRLEY
Several.
MATSON
So have I, one being this: Does everyone around here wear dark glasses? You've got a pair on too. Same kind Everett Stone was wearing.
SHIRLEY
Here . . . have a cigarette . . .
SFX: CRUMPLING OF CIGARETTE PACKAGE
MATSON
Thanks. (PAUSE) Got something you want to tell, Jennifer?
SHIRLEY
Yes, I do. The dark glasses are standard equipment for the type of work we're in.
MATSON
And what would that be?
SHIRLEY
We're gem dealers. Precious stones. Whenever we have a valuable piece of property in our possession, where required by bond to wear these dark glasses.
MATSON
A disguise so to speak?
SHIRLEY
That's right. When Everett arrived from Los Angeles, he had with him the Cape Hatteras diamond. You've heard of it?
MATSON
Who hasn't? Worth about a half a million.
SHIRLEY
That's right. He was on his way to Seattle to show it to a prospective buyer. The first night here Everett appeared on a television show to display the diamond. As he left, he knew he was being followed. He called me and asked me if we could make a switch. Wanted to know if I'D take the diamond on up to Seattle and try to make the sale.
MATSON
And he'd stay here, is that right?
SHIRLEY
Right.
MATSON
Hmm. It was a good switch, except that Everett got himself knocked off for his trouble. Have you got the diamond with you?
SHIRLEY
Right here . . . in my purse. Look.
MATSON
(SIGHING) What a little beauty! And not so little at that.
SHIRLEY
No.
MATSON
Oh . . . the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen. And you just carry it around in your purse like that?
SHIRLEY
Certainly. Who'd think to look in a woman's purse?
MATSON
You've got a point. Lipstick, mascara, streetcar tokens, loose change, but not a half a million dollar rock. (CHANGING TONE, BECOMES ALL BUSINESS AGAIN) Did Everett say what the men looked like Jennifer, the one who was following him?
SHIRLEY
Yes. He wrote a complete description for me.
MATSON
Have you got it?
SHIRLEY
Also in my purse. Here.
SFX: PAPER NOTE BEING REMOVED FROM PURSE AND HANDED TO MATSON, WHO UNFOLDS IT
MATSON
Yikes!
SHIRLEY
Miss Matson! You're white as a sheet. What's wrong?
MATSON
Plenty's wrong. This describes a certain Lieutenant Ray Mallard to a T.
MUSIC: SWELLS UP TO CONCLUDE THE ACT, FADES UNDER THE FOLLOWING ...
ANNOUNCER
From San Francisco, you are listening to a national broadcasting company presentation, Candy Matson Yukon two eight two oh nine.
ACT 4
MUSIC
Fades up, the ducks under the following . . .
MATSON
(NARRATING) I slipped out of my nightie, slipped into my street clothes, slipped Jennifer a wet fish handshake, slipped out the door, slipped into my car, and slipped home to my penthouse on Telegraph Hill and from there I kept right on slipping.
That description was Mallard's beyond all doubt. What made it worse was the fact that Rembrandt and I had seen Mallard coming out of the flat with a small package that COULD have been a jewel box.
I didn't sleep much that night, and that's for sure.
In the morning, I put myself together as best I could and once again made the dismal journey down to the Hall of Justice and into Mallard's office.
MUSIC: UP AND END
MALLARD
How are you doing, cupcake?
MATSON
Not too well. I have some rather unpleasant news.
MALLARD
Such as like what?
MATSON
Mallard . . . Everett Stone was a gem broker.
MALLARD
Good for you. You've got clue number one.
MATSON
You knew that?
MALLARD
Don't be ridiculous, Candy, it came out of McGuffey's Reader.
MATSON
Number two. He had the Cape Hatteras diamond with him when he arrived from Los Angeles.
MALLARD
Atta girl, you're getting warm.
MATSON
He switched the rock to a girl named Jennifer Shirley. She took the diamond on up to Seattle because Everett thought he was being tailed.
MALLARD
Hey, you're getting better and better. What's next?
MATSON
You mean none of this is new to you?
MALLARD
No. Old hat so far.
MATSON
Well, maybe this won't be old hat. Everett wrote a description of the guy he thought was following him. He gave it to Jennifer. It's you right on the nose Mallard boy.
MALLARD
Whaaaat?
MATSON
It's you, including the little mole you have behind your right ear. You don't look so good Mallard, do you. Don't you think you ought to tell me what it's all about?
MALLARD
Maybe I better. I can't for the life of me figure out . . . Wait a minute! Sure! Of course . . . (BEGINS LAUGHING) You had me worried there for a minute cupcake!
MATSON
Dog gone. What is it Mallard? I'm getting mad.
MALLARD
(LAUGHING) You'll find out.
SFX: TELEPHONE RINGS
MATSON
Oh, I'll find out. But when will I find out?
SFX: TELEPHONE RINGS
MALLARD
Wooooo We. Saved by the bell. Excuse me a minute . . . (SARCASTICALLY) DETECTIVE Matson.
MATSON
Oh, sure.
MALLARD
(ANSWERING TELEPHONE) Lieutenant Mallard, Homicide.
SGT. O'FLAHERTY
(VOICE FILTERED BY TELEPHONE) Lieutenant . . . This is Sgt. O'Flaherty down in radio. We just got a report from a prowl car 36 . . .
MALLARD
Yeah, O'Flaherty
O'FLAHERTY
There's been a dame killed out in that same flat name of Jennifer Shirley.
MUSIC: DRAMATIC TRANSITION
MATSON
(NARRATING) It was then I knew that Mallard was really in the clear. The phone dropped out of his hands and he looked as if he'd been slugged with a belaying pin. Mallard had work to do, so I left. Only this time I didn't go back to the flat.
I have . . . emmm . . . Tenderloin connections. So putting two and two together, I started making the rounds down around Turk Street, Turk, Ellis, Eddy, the whole section where the Easy Street Boys hang out. I came up with nothing. Nothing until I stumbled into a little bar near Eddy Street on Leavenworth. I came face to face with an old acquaintance of mine. Name of . . . ahh . . . Montgomery The Mole.
MUSIC: SCENE TRANSITION
SFX: INTERIOR, BAR, PATRONS CONVERSATION IN BACKGROUND, GLASSES CLINKING
MONTGOMERY
Well . . . for crying in my beer making it salty. Look what the high tide just washed in hiya Candy.
MATSON
Hmmm . . .Hiya Montgomery.
MONTGOMERY
I ain't you since the night you caught up with me former pal Willie Clark.
MATSON
Well . . . ahh . . . I . . . I'm sorry I had to do that, Montgomery.
MONTGOMERY
Oh, I ain't. Hanging would be too good for that crumb bum. Oh, little second-story work ain't too far out of line. I can even swallow a well-executed stickup. But when it comes to kidnapping and murder, uh uhh, us honest characters draw the line.
MATSON
That's why I'm here. Montgomery . . .
MONTGOMERY
Yeah.
MATSON
. . . there have been two killings in the last four days.
MONTGOMERY
Hmm . . . The grapevine must be slipping. I don't hear nothing about no rub outs.
MATSON
They've been kept quiet for a reason. Just what the reason is, I don't know. Have you heard about any out of town ice men dropping in the last few days?
MONTGOMERY
Nah . . . nah. Not a one.
MATSON
Now lets . . . ah . . . here's a twenty Montgomery. It's all I've got. I'll send you twenty more first thing in the morning. Memory improving?
MONTGOMERY
Oh,  oh  . . . just like I never lost it.
MATSON
Well . . . is there a jewel boy in town.
MONTGOMERY
Look right ahead of ya up at the bar.
MATSON
Yeah?
MONTGOMERY
That's him. If he ain't a hot ice juggler my name ain't Montgomery. Got in just about four days ago. Calls himself "Finch."
MATSON
Oh, Montgomery, I loves you.
MONTGOMERY
Ha.
MATSON
I'm moving over there. Do me a favor . . . Tip the bartender off. Tell him to keep my drinks well watered.
MUSIC: SCENE TRANSITION
MATSON
(NARRATING) It didn't take long. A guy from out of town gets lonesome. I was sitting at the bar no more than three minutes and we were OLD friends. He kept the drinks coming in by closing time he really had a snootful. He offered to drive me home and oh, naturally, I accepted.
We got out on the sidewalk and suddenly he darted back into the tavern. When he returned, he was carrying something in a paper bag. We found his car and climbed in.
SFX: CAR MOTOR IS STARTED
MATSON
(SLURRING HER WORDS AS IF DRUNK) Don't you think you ought to let me drive Mr Finch?
FINCH
(SLURRING HIS WORDS. DEFINITELY DRUNK)
Ah . . . nah . . . nah . . . nah
MATSON
You've had quite a few.
FINCH
Nah . . . I can handle this little ole car. Heh . . . I'm sort of a stranger here. You'll have to tell me which way to go.
MATSON
Oh, sure. You go straight up Leavenworth here, and then you turn right on Bush. I'll direct you after that.
FINCH
Okey doke.
SFX: CAR ENGAGES AND DRIVES AWAY
MATSON
Ah . . . when'd you say you got to town, Mr. Finch?
FINCH
Oh, about four days ago. Let's see. Yeah, that's right.
MATSON
Ah . . . what sort of business are you in?
FINCH
Business? Heh . . . I'm in no business. I'm retired, sort a . . . (LAUGHS) Got lots of money.
MATSON
Oh . . .
FINCH
Get lots more, too. (SUDDENLY AGITATED) Hey, look out for that bag!
SFX: HANDBAG DROPPING TO FLOOR OF CAR
MATSON
Oh, oh, I'm sorry. How clumsy of me. There. Why it's a purse. Why Mr. Finch . . .
FINCH
Heh . . . heh . . . put it back. It's a present for my sister in Riverside.
MATSON
Oh, how thoughtful. Oh . . . ehh . . . turn left on Kearny Street will you?
FINCH
Sure.
MATSON
And then when you get to Washington, turn right one block to Montgomery. It's right on the corner. Would you care to come up for a nightcap?
FINCH
Hey now that sounds like a very good idea. Sure. Hah hah . . . nightcap huh?
MUSIC: SCENE TRANSITION
MATSON
(NARRATING) The corner of Washington and Montgomery is just half a block from Mallard's office in the Hall of Justice. With any luck, I could do a bloodless turn over to Lieutenant Boy. I reached down by my side, got my 32 out of my purse and held it under my coat.
We arrived at our destination and Finch helped me get out of the car.
It was only one pale light to illuminate the street, which was just what I wanted.
SFX: INTERIOR. CAR DOOR OPENING
FINCH
Ah . . . there you are.
MATSON
You go ahead, Mr. Finch. There seems to be something wrong with one of my heels.
FINCH
Oh, sure.
SFX: EXTERIOR. FOOTSTEPS ON SIDEWALK, MALE FIRST WALKING AWAY, FEMALE FOLLOWS
MATSON
Don't turn around, Mr Finch. Not if you value your life. This is a gun I've got stuck in your back and believe me, I know how to use it.
FINCH
Say, what goes on here. I'm almost broke, if that's what you're after.
MATSON
This isn't a stickup. See that door up the street in that big building?
FINCH
Hmm . . .
MATSON
Just keep walking right on into that door.
MUSIC: SCENE TRANSITION
MATSON
(NARRATION) He started walking and I hung back a few paces. I didn't want to lose this baby. He was too good because that purse he had in the paper bag was the one owned by Jennifer Shirley.
I'd never be able to get forget that purse contained the Cape Hatteras diamond.
I marched him into Mallard's office and Millard was in. I gave him the full scoop, and in less than half an hour, we had one sad Finch behind locked bars with the promise of a full written confession of two killings and one diamond theft.
I had never seen anything fall into place so easily.
A few minutes after we returned to Mallard's office from putting Finch into his ungilded cage, there was a knock on Mallard's door.
SFX: KNOCKING ON WOODEN OFFICE DOOR
MALLARD
(CALMLY) Come in.
REMBRANDT
It is I gumshoe. What on Earth did you call me for at this hour of the night, or morning.
MALLARD
Oh, come on in Rembrandt. This ought to be fun.
REMBRANDT
(SEEING CANDY) Oh . . . you too?
MATSON
Yes.
REMBRANDT
Why aren't you home getting your beauty rest?
MATSON
Oh, we just wound up a couple of killings dear . . . those of Everett Stone and Jennifer Shirley.
REMBRANDT
Well bully for you.
MALLARD
And I had nothing to do with it. Candy did it all. I left her strictly alone and she came through like a trooper. There's only one little thing she's overlooked. When she comes up with that, she'll have solved her best and last case.
MATSON
Last case? What are you talking about, Mallard?
RILEY
(FILTERED THROUGH THE OFFICE INTERCOM UNIT ON MALLARD'S DESK) Captain Mallard, this is Riley on the top deck . .
MATSON
Captain Mallard! What is this?
SFX: INTERIOR. MALLARD SNAPS ON THE "TALK BUTTON" OF THE INTERCOM
MALLARD
Yeah, Riley, what is it?
RILEY
We got this . . . ahh . . . Finch joker all booked and fingerprinted. He's in the Lysol dip now and then we'll tuck him into "beddy bye" for the night.
MALLARD
Good.
RILEY
We're changing shifts now. Anything else you want from me?
MALLARD
No, Riley. You can knock off.
RILEY
Fine, Captain. Ohhh . . . and all the boys up here send down congratulations.
MALLARD
Oh, ahh . . . thanks Riley. See ya tomorrow.
SFX: INTERIOR. MALLARD TURNS OFF INTERCOM
MATSON
You! A Captain?
MALLARD
Well . . . I try.
REMBRANDT
By Jove, I think that's splendid. Congratulations minion!
MALLARD
Thanks, Rembrandt.
MATSON
Ahh . . . I'm getting dizzy again. He's a Captain . . . and what's this stuff about my best and last case? Give all here Mallard boy.
MALLARD
Doggone it, you're missing THE most important clue in this whole case. Now let's review.
REMBRANDT
Go ahead, girl, I'm bursting me buttons.
MATSON
OK. I first get suspicious when you turn grumpy on me Mallard.
MALLARD
That's when I was wrestling with myself over a decision.
MATSON
That's right. Then you meet the stone guy in a small hotel on Ella Street.
MALLARD
We had business. That's where he wanted to meet me.
MATSON
And you go out to those flats, you wave. He waves, you go in. When you come out, you're carrying something. We go up. Stone is dead. Later, I meet Jennifer Shirley. She shows me the Cape Hatteras diamond, but she also shows me something else. A description written by Stone. A description fitting you exactly.
MALLARD
Hmmph. . . Yeah. Look what was in Jennifer's purse along with the diamond.
MATSON
What?
MALLARD
ANOTHER description. ONE that fits Finch. Everett Stone accidentally gave Jennifer the wrong slip of paper, the one that described me.
MATSON
Oh, for Pete's sake, that sure had me worried Mallard dear.
MALLARD
Isn't there something else that worries you, cupcake?
MATSON
Yes, there is, darn it. But I can't put my finger on . . . Wait a minute! That's it. The package, the one you carried down the stairs from that flat.
MALLARD
At last . . . at last you finally did it, Candy. Here it is right here. Open it. See for yourself.
MATSON
OK.
SFX: PAPER WRAPPING BEING REMOVED FROM A SMALL BOX.
MATSON
Oh, it's beautiful. What a lovely ring. You steal this from Everett Stone?
MALLARD
Sure did. The price he gave me made it a first class steal. Ahh . . . why don't you try it on?
MATSON
Ohhhh . . . I love to.
MALLARD
Oh, I . .  I . . . don't think you're putting it on the right finger, Candy.
MATSON
(STUNNED) Which . . . . Which finger do you mean?
MALLARD
Third finger, left hand.
MATSON
(DISBELIEF) Oh, you you don't mean that. (STARTING TO CRY) Mallard, tell me!
MALLARD
I  . . . want you to be my wife, Candy dear.
MUSIC: SWELLS, THEN FADES OUT UNDER THE FOLLOWING
MATSON
Oh . . . say it again will you Mallard dear? This is only another one of those fool dreams of mine, I'm sure.
MALLARD
I'm sure it's not a dream cupcake. I mean it, more than I have ever meant anything in my life. Will you marry me, Candy?
REMBRANDT
You big idiot. You don't need the answer to that.
MALLARD
I wasn't asking you.
MATSON
Oh yes, I'll marry you. Captain dear . . . for ever and ever.
MALLARD
You see now what I meant about this being your best and last case?
MATSON
Oh, yes, but you're wrong. I have another and a bigger case coming up.
MALLARD
Heh . . . what's that you little monkey?
MATSON
Just trying to be an awfully good wife to you.
REMBRANDT
My word. I was wondering . . .
MATSON
Hemm . . . what Rembrandt?
REMBRANDT
. . . when you're married . . . how shall I address you?
MATSON
Oh, that's easy. Just Mrs. Captain Mallard. Well, I won't even have to change my initials.
ANNOUNCER
For excitement, and adventure, and romance just dial . . .
MATSON
Candy Matson . . . (LAUGHS) . . . Mallard . . . ahh . . . Mrs. Captain Ray . . . hmm . . . Yukon 2-8-2-oh . . . that won't be my phone number . . . well, gee, I'm so confused I don't know what I am saying.
MUSIC: ORGAN UP FOR A SWIRLING FINISH
MUSIC: RE-IMAGINED RADIO THEME MUSIC, UP AND OUT
HOST
You are listening to Re-Imagined Radio, paying tribute to Candy Matson, the best of the popular female detective radio programs. I'm John Barber. I'll be back in a moment.
SPONSOR BREAK #2: THREE SPONSOR BREAKS
MUSIC: RIR THEME, UP AND THEN OUT.
HOST CLOSE
HOST
For this Re-Imagined Radio tribute to the popular detective series Candy Matson, we listened to the first and last episodes. "The Donna Dunham Case" and "Candy's Last Case."
Both showcase Candy Matson as a groundbreaking female detective series with a strong lead character, local references, and a cast of characters representing diversity and inclusivity.
Both demonstrate the appeal and power of sound-based storytelling and how it engages listeners' imaginations.
Sound design for this episode by John Barber.
Post-production by Mark Rose of Fuse Audio Design.
Social media by Regina Carroll, Social Media Management and Photography.
Graphic design by Holly Slocum Design.
This has been a production of Re-Imagined Radio. Our live performances, web streaming and radio broadcasts of sound-based storytelling are heard on local, regional, and international community radio stations.
A big thanks to listeners whose contributions support programs like Re-Imagined Radio. If you would like to help support radio storytelling, please visit your community radio station's website and engage with the "donate" button.
For more information about Re-Imagined Radio, all our episodes past and future, and to subscribe to our snappy program guide, please visit our website, www.reimaginedradio.net. That's www.reimaginedradio, all one word, no punctuation [DOT] net.
MUSIC: RE-IMAGINED RADIO THEME FADES UP UNDER THE FOLLOWING
This is John Barber, producer and host, thank you so much for listening and please join us again for another episode of Re-Imagined Radio, where we will continue our exploration of radio storytelling.
MUSIC: RE-IMAGINED RADIO THEME UP FULL AND TO FINISH.